I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
