Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
