I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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