I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
