Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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