I am spending my child support on dildos
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
