apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
