so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
