she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
