Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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