ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
