Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
