I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
