$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
