Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
