then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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