Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize