I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
