a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
