I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
