I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
