sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
