Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
