My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
