his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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