yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize