I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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