I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
