Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize