Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize