and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
