TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
