as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
