Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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