Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
