she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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