so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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