I have demons in me.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
