My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
