I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
