My Higher Power is John Stamos
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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