I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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