Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
