her vagine was all disorganized.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
