Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Randomize
