you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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