I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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