I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
