i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
