obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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