i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
