Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
