Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Randomize
