I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
