Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize