My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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