he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
