I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
