Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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