how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
