I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
