Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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