To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
