It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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