I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
