Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
