I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
