Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
