Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
