when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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