I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
