I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
