New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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