you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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