Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
