youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
