the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
