If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
