you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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