I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
